


Something old, something new, something borrowed, something chrome plated and impervious to most forms of attack.

by MalcolmInSpace



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Crack, F/F, and I'm not at all sorry, utter crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-03
Updated: 2016-05-03
Packaged: 2018-06-06 02:24:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6734176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MalcolmInSpace/pseuds/MalcolmInSpace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This prompt was too good to pass up.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Something old, something new, something borrowed, something chrome plated and impervious to most forms of attack.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheKinkAwakens (thekinkawakens)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thekinkawakens/gifts).



> This prompt was too good to pass up.

“Here comes the bride,” Poe sang to himself under his breath, “All dressed in chrome.” Finn poked him in the ribs and he stifled a laugh. “Shouldn’t you be on that side of the stage, Finn?” Poe asked, laughter in his voice. “I mean, isn’t the conquering bride like your big sister or somethin- hey, okay, no need to glare.”

Rey, dressed in elegant black, turned from her place beside the officiant to stare daggers at them both. “You’re not helping,” she hissed. Her two best men shuffled their feet and looked sheepish. When she turned back, she caught Leia’s eye and the general gave her a steadying nod. Han might have done the same, but he was apparently not paying enough attention to maintain his apparition and was mostly just a glowing blue blur. He hadn't completely mastered being a Force ghost.

The Resistance side of the function hall was filling up, but the First Order pews were barely half-full and most of them were stormtroopers. Hux was the only one Rey really knew, but his had typically sour expression on. Luke was sitting all the way in the back. Lando was there, trying to hold a conversation but Luke was just staring moodily at Rey without speaking. He’d been doing it for a half-hour now and it was starting to get on her nerves.

Then the band started up and Rey couldn’t help but suck in a calming breath. The doors creaked open and the bridestroopers entered one by one. JB-007 was the first, and he muttered something about always leaving the door open as he walked past Rey to take station opposite Finn and Poe. And then, escorted by a slightly dottering Boba Fett, came Phasma. She had a long lace train, a flowing veil around her helmet and she was carrying a bouquet around her signiature blaster rifle. She was a fully-armoured vision in lace and chrome. She marched, there really was no other word for it, up the stage and took her place next to Rey. In audience, Chewbacca sniffled audibly.

The officiant, Kylo Ren himself, stepped up and began to speak. “Dearly subjugated,” he began.

“Ben!” Han yelled, abruptly coming into focus, “Enunciate, boy!”

“Daaad, shut up,” Kylo hissed.

“What? Speak up, Ben, it’s really hard to hear through all that...” Han gestured vaguely towards Kylo’s face, “apparatus.”

There was a long pause, and then Kylo gave a dramatic sigh that sounded like an irritated goose through the distortion and popped his mask off. He glared at his father for a moment, then cleared his throat, and tried to resume. “We are gathered here today-“

“And get a haircut,” Han snapped. Behind them, Poe was nearly turning purple trying not to laugh. Leia laid a hand on Han’s, or rather hovered it where his hand would have been had he been corporeal.

“Would you stop making this about you?” Kylo demanded, his voice beginning to rise in pitch.

“You’re right,” Han said, and made a mockingly magnanimous ‘carry on’ gesture. He waited until Kylo opened his mouth, and said, “I’m just feeling so torn apart by this wonderful ceremony.

“Arrrrgh!” Kylo threw down his notes and stormed out of the room. He was definitely not crying. Leia gave Han a Look, and Han rolled his eyes and floated out of the room after Kylo.

Everyone looked at Luke to finish the ceremony, but he just kept staring fixedly forward until Chewbacca stood up and took over. Everyone agreed later that it was a beautiful ceremony, especially the part where the bridestroopers shot the bouquet out of the air.


End file.
